Wojak's aunt. Missing since the last bull run. Last seen mortgaging the family recliner for a bag of a coin nobody asked for. If found, do not approach — just ape in.
Nobody in the family talks about Aunt Wojcrack anymore. One day she was borrowing gas money for the family car, the next she'd pawned the car, the garage, and the dog's collar for something called "seed phrase security." She kept muttering about a "1000x" like it was scripture.
She hasn't paid rent since the Terra collapse. She sleeps in a lawn chair surrounded by six monitors running candle charts she can't actually read. Every relative who's tried an intervention has left the house holding a QR code instead of an answer.
This is her coin. She didn't ask permission. She rarely does.
